saifsnicujourney

A story of premature birth and the NICU roller coaster

Sacrificing for your kids is normal, in fact, it is your duty.

on August 20, 2017

This may just be me but I believe in sacrificing for your children. Even if that child is a preemie being taken care of by nurses and doctors. Am I old school? Maybe.  I think that when you become a parent in any capacity, this is your duty. It is a given.

It’s certainly ok to have help from family, friends or services. It is also ok to take some time out for yourself if you have the luxury of childcare or a partner who is awesome at making that happen for you. If you have the means for pampering yourself while your child is taken care of, do it. Often times while your child is in the nicu, you and your partner are juggling work and nicu time. It is not very different than most parents who are dealing with school or daycare. There are sacrifices to be made, whether financial or juggling time. I think its ok to feel good about your sacrifices because you love your children. It’s ok because you feel really good inside, despite the stress that can come with this sacrifice. At least, that is how I see it.

When my son was in the nicu, I was working full time.  My husband worked fulltime and had a night job. We managed do this and get to the hospital daily because we wanted to. It was also our duty. Sure, we got stressed out and tired but who doesnt. We were dealing with a lot, afterall. I know that this started to show on my face and my overall appearance.  I had gained weight from stress and stress eating. I didn’t have money to buy new postpartum clothes. I had old jeans and maternity pants that were starting to wear thin. I didn’t really care because my money was going to parking at the hospital and eating there too. My paycheck was literally zero for about 6 months or maybe even 7. This was because I picked up a family plan from my health insurance carrier. I needed to make sure there were no extra costs that piled up. He was on my husbands plan but if anything wasn’t covered in full, we wanted it to roll over to my plan. It was a suggestion that saved us money in the long run. Have you ever seen the cost of a nicu stay? You don’t want to, trust me! Well, as a result of the cost of my family plan, sacrifices had to be made. I was on a new budget. My check was zero every payday and my husband was now the sole provider, technically. People started to make remarks about how terrible I looked or that my clothes were old. Really? I hadn’t noticed(sarcasm)! I would confess to them about my lack of a paycheck and my budget being the reason for my appearance.  You would think they would cut me some slack. They were cruel and persistent.  Isn’t it ok to go without something so that your child is taken care of? Even now I do the same. I get clothes or shoes as needed but only if it’s in the budget. I don’t go on spa days or have a lot of “me” time but it’s ok.

I am happy that my children are happy. I find time for art therapy or crochet. I take time at night after the kids have gone to bed to read or blog. I’m not ignoring my needs but I’m conciously choosing not to be selfish. I see some people who have tons of time to themselves and help from grandparents or sisters or uncles. They take time to themselves ,by locking their bedroom door ,while their toddler or younger children play on their own. I don’t agree with that but it’s none of my business  (insert Ketmit meme here lol) I would would be a terrible liar if I said I was not jealous about the childcare options people have that I dont, I am lol. I don’t begrudge them happiness or help though. I just get angry when I see people going on and on about their lack of personal space and time. You chose to have children. They criticize me for not getting my hair done monthly and shopping for clothes, weekly. Yes, I know someone who is on a budge but splurges weekly on trinkets and clothes for herself. That is a bit excessive right? I just feel I shouldnt be shamed for enjoying taking care of my kids above myself. If I’m happy with my life, then why can’t you be? Put down your book or phone/tablet and turn off Netflix and play with your kids. Engage in their activities because time is too short. Don’t feel like you aren’t good enough because you haven’t gotten news clothes or a new manicure every week. Feel good because you spent that money feeding your kid or taking them to the zoo. Maybe you splurged on Chuck E Cheese or some other hellish children’s place. They love it, so you do what you have to. I have gotten comments from family and friends on plenty of occasions about my appearance and I have decided that I’m done caring. My clothes are clean. I’m showered. Why do I need to impress you? Yes my gray hairs are peeking through. I may not be trendy like I once was but it’s ok. I’m not sure that any strangers care, so why do people I know get so bent out of shape over it? It is ok to sacrifice for your kids. They are absolutely worth it. It is your duty. Thank you for reading.

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2 responses to “Sacrificing for your kids is normal, in fact, it is your duty.

  1. Maryann Siracuse says:

    My Dearest Jessica, It is Maryann Siracuse…I just read your most recent blog, after I was finished the first thing that crossed my mind was, Oh my goodness that is something Peg would have written!!! Honey, she would be so proud of the women and mother you are… Beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside just like she was!!!

    Love always, Maryann

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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