A story of premature birth and the NICU roller coaster

A visit to the cemetery with my new son…an experience to make you think.

on June 30, 2014

So this year my son would have been 3 on June 20 and ,we did as we always do, we went to visit him. This year we took my son who is ten months old. He got to see his big brothers resting spot. I don’t know if he could possibly have any idea what this experience was like for his parents , or even have a concept of where he was, but he was smiling and making all kinds of happy noises. It made me wonder if his brother could see him and vice versa. Were they communicating before my very eyes? I just know …it was bitter sweet. It felt good but also so sad because we wished we were celebrating with a big cake and balloons and watching him open presents and having his little brother helping him. All I know is as I was wiping tears from my eyes he was kissing my cheek and snuggling with me. He knew just what I needed in that moment. I tried not to get overwhelmed so as not to upset him or make him afraid. I want him to have warm thoughts about his brother and visiting him…as much as one can when visiting a loved one at a cemetery. When I show him pictures of his brother he cried when he was younger even though he smiled at other pictures of family/babies. It made me think….does he recognize him….what does he think when he sees him? Now if he happens to see pictures of big brother he smiles and makes his happy noises. I say “look at your brother isn’t he cute?” And he smiles and touches the pic. Maybe he’s just following my cues but it makes me feel good that he associates smiles with his brother. I started researching life and what happens when we die after I lost my mother four years ago. I had never questioned my beliefs or religion before and just knew things to be fact when it came to death and the afterlife. Maybe its the Long Island Medium or Heaven is for Real hype, but I started thinking that my son and mom are still with me in some way. Mainly I had started having dreams with my mom after she passed and a few with my son before and after he passed and they had messages for me that actually occurred in real life. Anyway I know there are a lot of skeptics out there who think this kind of thing is crazy and that I’m probably crazy for looking into it but I’m ok with that. I used to be super against any type of medium or fortune telling etc especially since my religion taught me to stay away from that stuff. Now , I don’t go to get my fortune read or anything but I just know after having a dream with my mom and son in it(details in a follow up blog) that heaven is for real and they can come to you in dreams. I also am thinking that when my son babbles and smiles and looks over my shoulder or off to the corner etc that he’s definitely seeing someone….hopefully my mom and/or my son. Maybe my aunt who passed away….she said my sister and I would have two sons before she passed. I had thought it was wishful thinking or just comforting words but check my next blog for those details as well. It came to be. Anyway to sum it up, it was a good experience and I hope we can repeat this in the future. If your interested, please check out my next blog about my thoughts on the afterlife etc.


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