I haven’t posted in so long , but I have a few minutes between diapers and feeding to share the good news with you. I had my baby boy over the summer and he has kept me busy. Lots of dirty diapers and sleepless nights but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I had to give up my job but that’s a post all on its own but everything happens for a reason I believe. I had a mostly normal pregnancy thanks to the awesome doctor who kept a close eye on me this time around. I found its best to see the same dr or nurse practitioner throughout the pregnancy. I had some spotting early on which happened last time as well. I am almost positive now that my job activities were a large part of this issue and of course the hormones in my body and how they work or don’t work for that matter. I used Happy Pregnancy cream which is a bio identical progesterone cream which I feel is literally a lifesaver. The doctor gave me a cervical cerclage at 13 weeks, which thank God didn’t cause me any issues, and held up well till 37 weeks (when it was taken out in the office). It was not a great feeling taking it out but not horrible either. Also from about 20 weeks I got progesterone injections into my buttocks…ouch. They can be quite painful overtime but definitely worth it since I made it to 39 weeks and 1 day. Also I had to test my blood sugar daily after the blood glucose test was not kind to me. The progesterone shots may be to blame as the hormones cause the gestational diabetes to rear it’s ugly head. I managed this by diet which was tough when you have cravings but thank God I made it through just fine. I woke up on August 9th and used the restroom to discover my water leaking. I was excited but scared out of my mind. At 7am I went to the hospital to find I was 4cm dilated. I was thrilled that I made it there this time around and that I was full term. Honestly my labor was mild..the nurse couldn’t believe how well I was tolerating the contractions. I couldn’t believe it either but to be honest my cycle is more painful so I was lucky not to struggle…yet. As time went on I started to stall at about 7cm so the broke my water completely to help things along and the dreaded talk of pitocin(spelling?) came up. Up till now I was going it au natural and planned on staying this route.after talking to the doctor the nurse started pitocin and I got to 9cm ,although with back labor and the effect of pitocin, my contractions became so strong and back to back. I chickened out at this point and my gut told me to get the epidural. I was disappointed in myself but I’m glad I made this choice. It was about this time my doctor came to check on me to find out the baby was in distress and the nurse knew but whoever called the shots didn’t tell my doctor. She was pissed and yelled at the staff and called for an emergency c section. God works in mysterious ways because had I not gotten that epidural I would have wasted precious time. The doctor was awesome and made the right call because my poor son had the cord wrapped around his neck twice. Thank God he came out perfect. When I heard his cry..I cried and I was in shock and thanking God for this little miracle. I was dead set again drugs or surgery but it most definitely was Gods will to keep us both safe. As a side note you should take the drugs as ordered post operation. I was going to try and go with a lower dose and I learned the hard way that you need the drugs. A fill in nurse(short staffed…my luck sucks) took over one night for this awesome nurse I was supposed to have, and she forgot my medicine after I only took a half dose. Well I asked five times for the meds and if you know me, I don’t take meds if I can avoid them , but this girl never brought them and after almost ten hours of asking for the meds finally someone else brought them. It turns out not only did she forget me but she offered the meds to the wrong patient. To cover her mistake she told the charge nurse I was asking for them to soon. If nearly ten hours in between meds is too soon, well pardon me for asking. I cried and almost couldn’t make it to the bathroom and back, which was only a few painful feet from my bed,but alas I did make it. Despite this I am grateful for the other nurses and my doctor for the awesome care. Well I have to go now as my son beckons for his lunch but I will update or add to this post when I have more time. Thanks for letting me share my experiences with you.
So I went to visit my son at the cemetery and I was feeling particularly sad. I was feeling like an unfit parent or that I somehow could have and should have done things differently. This happens every now and again. I also felt like I didn’t have enough time to visit him, yet I felt silly talking to him at the cemetery. This is because I feel he is always around at home. I don’t know this to be true but I kiss his picture everyday and I’m always thinking of him and sometimes I talk to him at home. It feels weird to me to do this at the cemetery but I do want to visit him there as well for fear he may think I abandoned him. I know this probably sounds completely crazy but this is some of what goes through my mind.
Last night I had a dream of my son. I haven’t had one in awhile and I was missing that close feeling I get when he appears in my dreams. He was in the hospital for a second time. In real life he had one long six month stay but often I can only imagine him in that hospital. In all of his pictures, he has wires and tubes and such. The only wireless, and tubeless pics are of the day he died. Still I love to look at his face without the tubes, but its tough when its not the high point of his time here. Anyway, he was laying there with the breathing tube and I suddenly can hear his voice. I notice the tube fell out completely and I panic and press the button for the nurse. She asks what his vitals are, but the screen went blank, so I tell her I don’t know. She said how does he look, I said fine. I was shocked he wasn’t in distress and he was breathing on his own like a pro. Then a passerby said goodbye to someone and my son says bye bye. I’m in shock thinking how is this possible. I had only ever heard his voice a few times when he was not on the tube (2weeks) and once when the tube wasn’t in correctly and I heard him making baby noises. In the dream ,I couldn’t understand how he was “normal” and not struggling. After awhile a nurse comes in , then another and they said I have just one question, why haven’t you picked him up….I was never allowed to hold him with this type of breathing tube in real life so needless to say I was nervous to pick him up. When I finally picked him up he was laughing and looking around just like a normal full term baby. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Then there was a coffee mug on the table and it had a giraffe and a monkey on it. He said …I like that mug. I look and examine it, he says aren’t these the things you love to buy? I do tend to collect things with these animals because it reminds me of him. In fact there is a giraffe on his gravestone. I said to him..how do you know..he laughs and says…you do don’t you!?! Then ,he can tell I’m still confused ,and he says …mom I’m not sick anymore ….at this point my husband comes in to see this miracle and the whole time my son is smiling and laughing. One more time the nurse said to me(she had said it one or two times earlier in the dream) maybe this is a sign that he doesn’t need to be here anymore, he’s not sick anymore. I took that to mean that maybe I shouldn’t think of him sick like that but rather a happy healthy baby. After all, I believe he is in heaven and he would be happy and pain free there. All I know is he felt real as if I was there holding him and I woke up so happy and feeling refreshed/rejuvenated. I just wanted to share this story. I hope it doesn’t make me sound to nutty but I have had dreams of him before telling me he was ok…I guess he just wanted to remind me again.
I love this face and he gives me so much inspiration from above. I try to be a better person each day to make him proud even though he’s all the way in heaven.
I’m curious to know if anyone out there has info from personal experience on getting these shots. Have you had successful pregnancies with these injections or are you currently taking one or the other? Do you think there is a huge difference? I’m given to understand they both have great success rates and I read a lot about women going full term and even being overdue. I would love to hear your stories, thanks for stopping by my blog.
I had heard about the so called stitch a women can get in the cervix before but I had no clue what it was or that I would ever need one. After my son was born early at 25 weeks, the Doctor diagnosed me with an incompetent cervix. My mom had passed away two years ago so I couldn’t ask her advice on this , but she had this done with my sister. I wish I knew more about these things or that I had at least had more detailed discussions with my mom on this topic. In any case I knew if I was blessed with another pregnancy that I would be having this surgery. To be honest I think my anxiety over what would happen during the procedure was much worse than the procedure itself. The hospital staff was awesome and things went smoothly. The day or two after was a bit harder because of the soreness and me being afraid to sneeze or move the wrong way but I managed to get through it with the help of my husband. I have heard and read the success rate is pretty good with this procedure and I pray the same for myself. Time will tell but I have faith. I pray my son and mom are watching over us. My aunt old me before she died earlier last year that she knew my sister and I would have children. I felt good knowing she felt so confident and I know she’s watching over us as well. She told me to watch myself, take extra care and make sure the doctors watched me closely. This was a mirror to my mothers advice before she passed away. So I feel lucky to have three angels watching over me. After much rest and prayers I am hopeful for this pregnancy. If anyone has had any experience with cerclage or progesterone shots I would love your feedback. I feel I’ve strained my eyes reading up on the topic but I am always looking for personal experiences and feedback. Finally we are thrilled and excited for our future but also nervous and cautious. I will update you again soon.
I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for helping me through 2012. It’s been by far the toughest year in my life and I couldn’t have made it through without faith in God and the help of my fellow bloggers. You may not realize it but all the kind words and advice really made an impact on me. My husband hasn’t had as much support but then I think sometimes dads go through loss differently. He isn’t one for talking about his feeling with strangers but I pray he starts healing from losing our son Saif even if just a little more today than last month even. I never thought I would make it through this year in one piece but I’m here and I guess I have. Sometimes I’m happy and proud of how far I’ve come. I also feel guilty for not being bed ridden with depression. The only thing I can think is that I don’t think Saif would want me to be depressed. Also because of my faith in God and knowing Saif isn’t suffering anymore…. I have to trust God, he knows best and he doesn’t want me dwelling on the negative. So for those reasons I feel kind of good about where I am right now. Though as I’m writing this I crave deeply for my son to be in his crib sleeping right now or up for any reason and me comforting him back to sleep. I have felt recently that he is near me, very strong feeling lately. On January 4 th it will be 1 year since he’s gone. I can’t really comprehend this to the fullest and maybe I never will but I feel he’s watching over me and my husband. I feel he’s blessed me more than I know even at this moment. I miss his scent, his face, his smile, his hands and feet, the way he would curl his toes against my hand. Everything about him….but he gives me strength even from heaven. In a weird way I feel I still have a son…I can think about him anytime I want and look at his pics/videos and talk to him if I choose. It’s a little piece of comfort I have in those moments. I’m sorry this became a long post, I had intended to give a short happy new year post but I just typed what came to mind. I guess I just want to say I hope and pray that my fellow bloggers and parents of angels alike are able to get through 2013 and find more healing than 2013. I pray for blessings for all whether big or small. Happy New Year 2013!!!
I wanted to take a minute to say happy holidays to everyone ,no matter what holiday you celebrate. I hope that everyone is blessed in some way this season. It sucks that my son isn’t here but I feel he is with me in spirit. Simply put I wish for comfort to all those suffering with the loss of a child or loved one. I especially pray for those that suffered in Sandy Hook. I know I am suffering my sons loss but having your child or loved one brutally murdered, for that I have no words. I can’t imagine how this holiday will be for them. I guess it all depends on your faith and family and friends to get you through. I hope some joy shines through for each of those suffering and trying to make sense of it all this Christmas or other holiday event. I wonder if Saif got to meet these angels…something I ponder. Well I hope this season leaves you with some new sense of hope however hard it is to imagine you can find joy again…you will.
This is the most tragic story of children and staff members in Newtown Connecticut loosing their lives by a gun wielding lunatic. I have family that live about an hour from this area and it shook me to my core. I pray for the parents and loved ones of the deceased. Please read this article.
Lt. Paul Vance of the Connecticut state police confirms both students and staff of the Sandy Hook Elementary School are among the fatalities, as is the suspected shooter.
By Pete Williams, Miguel Llanos and Tracy Connor, NBC News
Updated at 5:26 p.m. ET: A teacher’s son — clad in black and carrying two pistols — rampaged through a Connecticut elementary school Friday, killing 20 small children and six adults, including his mother, in the nation’s second-worst school shooting, law enforcement officials said.
For up-to-the-minute coverage of the tragedy at Sandy Creek Elementary, stay with NBCNews.com, and tune in to your local NBC station to watch tonight’s special reports on NBC Nightly News and Dateline NBC.
The gunman, identified as Adam Lanza, 20, was also found dead at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, law enforcement officials said. Officials initially told NBC News the gunman was Lanza’s brother, Ryan, who is cooperating with investigators and said Adam has a history of mental illness, according to a senior official.
An unidentified woman was also found fatally shot in the face at a home in Newtown after police showed up with there a bomb squad, officials said.
Lanza’s mother is a kindergarten teacher at the hilltop school, and most of the dead were found inside her classroom, according to NBCNewYork.com.
Some young survivors — ages 5 to 10 — described the terror of the shooting and a massive police response that included SWAT officers going room to room to search for victims as students huddled in classroom corners.
Robert Licata said his 6-year-old son was in class when the gunman burst in and shot the teacher.
“That’s when my son grabbed a bunch of his friends and ran out the door,” he told the Associated Press. “He was very brave.”
One student told NBC Connecticut she was in the gym when she heard “seven loud booms.”
“The gym teachers told us to go in the corner, so we all huddled,” she said. “And I kept hearing these booming noises. And we all … started crying.
“All the gym teachers told us to go into the office where no one could find us,” she added. “So then a police officer came in and told us to run outside. So we did and we came in the firehouse.”
More coverage: NBCNewYork.com and NBCConnecticut.com
BreakingNews.com’s coverage of the incident
The high death toll and the tender age of many victims sent shock waves all the way to the White House, where the flag was lowered to half-staff.
President Obama, his voice cracking at times, said he reacted to the tragedy first as a parent.
“Our hearts are broken today,” he said. “The majority of those who died today were children. Beautiful little kids between the ages of five and ten years old.”
Authorities in the small bedroom community 60 miles from New York City were alerted to the unfolding carnage by a 911 call around 9:30 a.m., and then reached out to state police and neighboring police departments for help.
An elementary school student recalls the terrifying moments following sounds of shots fired at her Connecticut elementary school, saying “teachers told us to go in the corner so we all huddled.”
Connecticut State Police Lt. Paul Vance said troopers fanned out across the school and searched “every door, every crack, every crevice” of the building.
Most of the bodies were found in two rooms in one section of the 600-student school, which goes up to the fourth grade.
Two children were taken to Danbury Hospital, but they died. A third person was being treated at the hospital, which went into lockdown mode and cleared trauma rooms as doctors waited for an influx of survivors that never came.
After police finished searching the school and determined there was only one gunman, they led the children outside, telling them to close their eyes, apparently to avoid seeing anything gruesome.
At a staging area ringed by police vehicles that raced to the school from across the state, the dazed and crying kids were reunited with worried loved ones.
Brenda Lebinski, mother of a third-grader, said she found a “horrendous” scene.
“Everyone was in hysterics — parents, students. There were kids coming out of the school bloodied. I don’t know if they were shot, but they were bloodied,” she said, according to Reuters.
One parent picking up his 7-year-old son said the shooting was “the most terrifying moment a parent can imagine.” He went on to describe the anguish of waiting to find out if his son was a victim and then running to his child when he saw him.
“It was the greatest relief in my existence,” the father said. “I’m just happy that my kid’s OK.”
Two 9mm handguns were recovered from the scene, an official told NBCNewYork.com. A rifle was found in the back of a car parked outside the school.
The FBI was assisting with the widening investigation, and authorities said there were many unanswered questions, including the motive.
“There is a great deal of search warrant activity…in and out of the state,” Vance said, without giving specifics.
Connecticut Gov. Dannel Malloy was meeting with grieving families.
“As you can imagine, the governor is horrified by what’s happened,” said aide Roy Occhiogrosso.
The death toll is the highest from a school shooting since a gunman killed 32 people at Virginia Tech in 2007. At Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, two teens killed 13 people and wounded 24 in 1999.
Parent Stephen Delgiadice, whose 8-year-old daughter was not hurt, said he never could have imagined such bloodshed in the quiet town of 27,000, where the police force has only three detectives.
“It’s alarming, especially in Newtown, Connecticut, which we always thought was the safest place in America,” he told The Associated Press.
Obama said Friday’s shooting, following the massacre at a movie theater in Aurora, Colo., and other murder sprees, showed the need for “meaningful action…regardless of the politics” to prevent more blood from being spilled.
New York City Mayor Bloomberg, who has been pushing for tougher gun laws, called for Washington to act immediately.
“Not even kindergarteners learning their A, B, Cs are safe,” he said. “We heard after Columbine that it was too soon to talk about gun laws. We heard it after Virginia Tech. After Tucson and Aurora and Oak Creek. And now we are hearing it again.”
Slideshow: Connecticut school massacre
Michelle Mcloughlin / Reuters
The second deadliest school shooting in U.S. history sent crying children spilling into the school parking lot as frightened parents waited for word on their loved ones.